...Seems like I am constantly being tested. I hate letting my adrenaline drip all day which causes me to feel extremely edgy. I hate being so unsure about things-like what college I want to go (vocational or 4-year degree) and what I really want to do with my ife & whether it will be something I enjoy or merely put up with. I hate dealing with the pressure of having another child. I don't see myself having one anytime soon. Even though I am in a committed monogamous relationship I do feel some melancholy and unsureness with the possibility of marriage. I just wish I had all the answers and could see my future in a crystal ball sometimes...Most of all I hate feeling guilty of having to work so much & sacrifice seeing my son grow from a toddler into a boy. I feel as though I am missing out & feel as if I am a part-time mother who never has time to take her son to the zoo or have a movie night. Our times together are so limited all I want to do is kiss him and just enjoy his company. I never would've thought being an adult would be so.....
I feel so frustrated! I've been on 5 interviews this past week & still no job.
So the first interview I ended up getting the job, without really wanting it, before I could decide the position got filled. (My bad?). The second job I interviewed for (The Trump Tower Project) got pushed back (it was supposed to start yesterday), so in the meantime I just gotta wait to hear from them . The third interview I "got" the job depending on the background check clearance (how long does that usually take?) but the job itself doesn't start til' October (Um, why not mention that in your ad next time?!) I can't wait til' then!! I have bills to pay! With today's interview, the manager said "I will have to decide".!@#$%^&*!!
Oh and I missed the orientation this past Friday for this new bar I am/was? suppose to work at . I got a voice mail message stating the address, time & place (which I couldn't even understand) but I accidentally deleted the voice mail. So I e-mailed them, they sent me address with no contact number. I don't go to orientation, so I e-mailed them back saying I didn't have clear instructions. Sooooo I get an email today to come down at 11 a.m. when I return home at like 2 p.m.!! !@#$%^&*!! I call the co-owner & she tells me to call the bar manager. I call the bar manager (who's clearly irritated with me) & she tells me she'll call me back. 3 hours later...no call.
Tomorrow I have to meet with another temp agency blah blah blah blahhhhhh (same process, different company) to see if I can get a job. I am sooooooooo over this job hustling -hunting-searching-applying-submitting deal.
I've been under so much pressure lately. My job barely gives me any hours which has a definitely put a strain on my bills which is putting a strain on my relationship. I have so much to deal with it's crazy.
Today E work me up at 3:30 a.m. in the morning because he almost peed in his bed, so he realizes he started to pee, gets up & finishes in the toliet. Then he acted like he didn't know where to find his clean clothes (a.k.a in the dresser in your room, you know the same one you take 10 shirts out of every morning to decide which one you wanna wear), then hubby calls me at around 8:35 a.m. & is like "Is E ready for daycare? I'm on my way home.", so I wake him up & he starts whining "I'm still tiiiiiiiired." WAHHHHHHHHH. Then he cries & fights & agrues with me about what I picked out for him to wear, brushing his teeth, brushing his hair, putting on his shoes....then Boo texts me "Hurry up I have an appointment at 9:30!." All of a sudden he comes storming in grabs E & walks out right when we're at the door . Mission accomplished. I'm officially grouchy! My phone rings & I'm like "HELLO??!!". It's my boss..."oh can you come in early at noon blah blah blah...yeah yeah yeah...
So I went to work for 8 hours, got off, waited over an hour for the bus, came home gave Ethan a bath, read him some bedtime stories & now I just feel so tired. These past couple of weeks have been nothing but job hunting like crazy, being with E 24/7, cooking & cleaning constantly! I'm really stressing out. I feel like I need a vacation from life! Where's the pause button?!
. The third interview I "got" the job depending on the background check clearance (how long does that usually take?) 
. I got a voice mail message stating the address, time & place (which I couldn't even understand) but I accidentally deleted the voice mail. So I e-mailed them, they sent me address with no contact number. I don't go to orientation, so I e-mailed them back saying I didn't have clear instructions. Sooooo I get an email 
